Bachelorette JOJO - episode 3

 

Bachelorette - episode 3 recap...

 

 

We start this week off with a video montage of guys asleep all over the place and the toilet paper that JOJO and Will decided to do is still all over the trees. There is an intern somewhere getting fired for not cleaning up. The house is a mess and there is meat everywhere from Creepy Chad's food binder. The cameras show that he is eating once again. Evan thinks he is a douche and a BLEEP. I know you can say "fine gentlemen" on air so pretty sure he said cock, asshole, fucker ... any of those will do. Black tank top Danny and Creepy Chad talk about what work outs they are going do and how much oatmeal should weigh. They cannot wait to bro it out later on.

 

 

CH comes in talking about how the dates and there are no rules - you can even punch a door and not get in trouble. He drops off the first date card and we are off!!

 

 

One on one

Colorado Chase

 

Ok ... its a yoga date. I hate these things only because I feel so awkward for them and I am just straight chilling in my family room and have nothing to do with these people but still feel like I need to hide behind a pillow.

The instructor chick asks them how long they have been intimate for and I say "Bullshit!" out loud. This chick has to know this is the bachelorette and this is the first date - am I right?! Of course they say they never have been and she acts all shocked.

She demonstrates a PT (pelvic thrust) that goes along with a weird "HEY!" chant. They do what they are told and again I am hiding behind my pillow. The next thing she demonstrates is a full blown 2 year old tantrum - which I think I would NAIL. I know those things so well that I am debating on getting on the floor and trying it. They say its an "anger-gasm" ... get it ... like an orgasm with anger. I have never been anger about an orgasm so this is just now confusing.

They go out to dinner - which I still have yet to see anyone eat dinner on these dates (I bet creepy chad would) ... and she gives him a rose followed by a predictable dance under the stars in front of a band that I think 15% of America would know. Nailed it again, ABC!

 

Group Date

Jordan

Matt

Wells

James F

Grant

Christian

Prince Ali

Black Tank Top Danny

Vinny

Nick

Evan

Short Alex

Creepy Chad

 

This is by far the worst date I have ever seen. It "sex talk" and not like Loveline with Dr. Drew back in the 90's. Its even more awkward and not really sure why JOJO wants to have them talk about their past sex life - but alas ... here we are.

Evan is excited because he deals with broken boners for his job back home so he thinks he is going to nail this one. Him and Short Alex decide to have Evan pick on Creepy Chad so this will be interesting since he is the second smallest dude in the house. (Wells - you get first prize!!)

They all go up one after another talking about their funny, weird, awkward sexual stories ... Although I cannot see anything because I am hiding behind my pillow again. Once its Evans turn - he talks about broken boners and steroid use. Creepy Chad looks like he is about to cut a bitch and his jaw is clearly clinched. Evan is kind of stupid for doing this honestly ... why bully the bully?! Now you're just as bad as the first bully... ugh. This is, again, hard to watch. Evan is getting to his seat, Creepy Chad pulls and rips his shirt - which is clearly from old navy because I have a ton of different colored short sleeve v-neck shirts.

Its Creepy Chads turn and JOJO totally disses him by turning her head when he tries to kiss her.

During the dinner/cocktail part - the dress code is a black leather coat. They all have conversations - Evan gives an ultimatum and its him or Creepy Chad so she decides to give the rose to Evan to prove that she wants him there.

 

Second One on one - 

 

Jamestaylor

 

They are all dressed up vintage and take some swing dancing lessons from Betty White ... Jamestaylor admits he cannot dance and he is spot on! He is terrible but damn he is having fun and I smile because at least he is trying unlike some husbands I know.... (mine!)

They talk into the night and he tells her that he was made fun of as a kid and she tells him that he is the whole package and I am starting to like him ... oh wait - fuck. Here comes the guitar.

She gives him a rose .... And he gives her his guitar pick.

 

 

At the mansion - Black Tank Top Danny breaks up with Creepy Chad telling him that he is Hitler... No wait ... Donald Trump and if he hangs out with him people will think they are both bullies and Black Tank Top Danny just wants to pump some iron. Creepy Chad is eating a raw sweet potato and lettuce so his mouth is too full to say much.

 

The next day - CH walks in telling them that there will be no cocktail party and just the final rose ceremony. But then he lets everyone know that JOJO will actually be swimming with them all day in her bikini so the dudes are excited.

 

Evan follows CH out and tells on Creepy Chad and that he is scared to be around him. There is even a security guard walking around now because everyone is scared - including The Office Jim Harpers Derek. CH goes back into the house to have a convo with Creepy Chad and lets him know that he needs to behave and to go back into the house to say his sorrys. CH realizes that his kids act better than this and wants to jump in the pool and never surface again.

 

Creepy Chad wishes he had a door to punch and is ready to fight some bitches! Evan is biting his nails hardcore because he realizes that Creepy Chad is not leaving - but actually coming back into the house for some blood.

 

AND ... cue the TO BE CONTINUED .....