Bachelorette JOJO - Episode 4

Bachelorette Episode 4 recap .... 

We start off by picking up where we left off - which was CH telling Creepy Chad to take it easy and go explain himself to the guys and to let them know he likes his body all veiny and gross. He does this in explaining that people need to leave him the fuck alone because if not he will straight up kill you. Broken boner Evan (love that new name!) goes above and beyond telling Creepy Chad that he owes him a new shirt. Creepy Chad tells him he will give him $20 and I am not sure why BB Evan argues with him about it because that shirt cost him $5 at Old Navy ... 

JOJO comes over to the house to the spring break party that they end up having - She takes off her shirt and 16 boners pop out that I am shocked none of them popped out. They all do shots, toasts and jump in the pool single file line like a swan dive - I am hiding under my pillow - and BB Evan gets a bloody nose. AND ... for fuck sake - they interrupt my already scheduled program for a special report ... Looks like Hillary Clinton is getting the Democratic nominee. Well shit. America has two shitty shitty options now. 

JOJO talks with everyone - Jordan and her have a mini make out session, Creepy Chad gets inturrupted by BB Evan, "The Office Jim Harper" Derek explains why their are security guards now at the house and Creepy Chad decides to confront "The Office Jim Harper" Derek about why he is talking about him after JOJO leaves the mansion. The do sort of a middle school argument and Creepy Chad doesn't understand why "The Office Jim Harper" Derek is already head over heels over JOJO when he doesn't even really know her. They even argue who watched the show back home... WAIT. I just realized their mics are actually those necklaces they are all wearing. Here I am thinking its like a Bachelorette friendship necklace but its not ... clever. 

Rose Ceremony

Guys already have the Rose - 

Jamestaylor 

BB Evan (WHY?!?!)

Colorado Chase 

Guys who get a rose - 

Grant 

"The Office Jim Harper" Derek

Jordan 

Luke 

Robby 

Wells 

James F 

Vinny 

Black tank top Danny 

Short Alex

Creepy Chad

They all toast to the success of still making it through and they are getting ready to leave the Mansion for good!!

One on One 

Luke 

They are now in Pennsylvania and they start off the date with some dogs pulling them on a sled. They stop at a random fire burning hot tub where JOJO makes him chop wood realizing that they might of put too much in because now its too hot to get in. Luke carries her in and lets her get used to the water like she is a damn 4 year old. "Its too hot mommy!!" 

At dinner they don't eat which again is annoying to me, and Luke tells JOJO about the military and who is really is and I really like this guy. Anyone who has fought for this country gets an A++++ in my book. She gives him the rose and they end up dancing in front of a band no one knows and like 100+ people who video tape them dancing on their phones. Really people?! When are you ever going to watch that shit?! Ok .. I totally would have done the same thing!! 

Group Date 

"The Office Jim Harper" Derek

Jamestaylor 

Black tank top Danny 

Colorado Chase 

Wells 

Vinny 

James F 

Grant 

Jordan 

Robby 

BB Evan 

They start off by going into the football stadium where Ben Roethelisberger is standing waiting for them. Is it me or does that not even look like him?! He is a little skinnier and no facial hair ... he looks weird. Is that really him? He is even funny which I heard he is a total douche. 

They start doing the classic football drills and Jordan is pumped because he can show off his "less than his brother Aaron Rodgers" skills. Jamestaylor ends up busting his eyebrow and needs stitches but acts like a boss and says F it and just bandages him up looking like he has a fucking blindfold on. 

**Back at the house, its Short Alex, Luke and Creepy Chad and no one is saying anything. Short Alex and Creepy Chad are doing a starting contest and Luke, who is in the middle of them, is just trying to not freak the fuck out. Short Alex is doing criss-cross apple sauce on the couch because he is so short. They are clearly getting the two on one and its real awkward.**

They split up into two teams - and on one team is BB Evan - who is just tiny and awkward, "The Office Jim Harper" Derek whom has a sore calf muscle, Jamestaylor who is blindfolded from the bandage, Robby and some other guy - I can't remember. So its basically the little rascals all on one team. No way they win. Jordan is all time QB so he is definitely getting more time. Evan makes a touchdown even though he looks like a cross dresser with his headband, his hair all done on one side and just one cute little black sticker under his eye. "The Office Jim Harper" Derek steals the ball from the other team and runs it back for a touchdown making their team win and going on to the dinner. Jamestaylor is running the wrong way because he is still blindfolded. 

At the dinner JOJO makes out with everyone, on couches, on pool tables - everywhere... Jordan says he is falling for her and he gets the rose. 

Back at the house the losing team goes home and Luke thanks the Gods above him for not being alone at the starting contest. Everyone is fighting with Creepy Chad and he tells everyone if they have a problem with him they can take it outside. No one wants to and Wells tries to be the peacemaker but Creepy Chad leaves the room. 

Two on One date - 

Creepy Chad
Short Alex 

These are my favorite dates because its always the bat shit crazy one and a normal one so these are always fun. They start off on a helicopter taking the guys to the middle of nowhere for a nice hike. Both the guys have an ax which makes no sense since Creepy Chad wants to take that ax to Short Alex's head. They all spread out on a blanket and no one says anything and its real weird. She grabs Short Alex so they can talk and he tells her that Creepy Chad threatened Jordan back at the house. She is not pleased and confronts Creepy Chad and he sort of talks himself around in circles not really saying he said that but in a way he did. She tells Creepy Chad that violence is never the answer and gives the rose to Short Alex. 

Back at the house the guys watch as the "take the bag away" guy comes and takes Creepy Chad suitcase and they explode with excitement. 

Short Alex and JOJO make out in a small cottage and Creepy Chad is left in the woods to die because The Bachelor crew thinks its hilarious to leave the person wherever they are to fend for themselves after getting dumped. BUT - since Creepy Chad is clearly insane he starts walking back to the house! He is whistling a creepy death tune and finally gets to the house. He knocks and then makes creepy noises on the glass. Oh this will be good!! 

TO BE CONTINUED .... 

DAMN IT!! And in 2 weeks we don't get to find out what happens!!!