Bachelorette Episode 5 recap ...
We start this week be continuing the Creepy Chad situation - He is alone in the woods whistling his theme song and murder is on his mind. Of course all it is, is Chad going back to the house to tell the guys he was not picked and he is just still wondering why even though he threatened all the guys in the house. BB Evan stands up for himself and asks Creepy Chad if he had his wallet on him because he is still waiting his $3.50 for his old navy shirt that Creepy Chad ripped weeks ago. All the other guys tell him to drop it because they know they will have to fight for BB Evan.
Rose Ceremony
Guys who already have a rose -
Luke
Jordan
Short Alex
Guys who get the rose -
The Office Jim Harper Derek
Robby
Colorado Chase
Wells
Grant
Vinny
Jamestaylor
BB Evan (AGAIN?!?!)
JOJO tells the guys that they are getting ready for an international destination - which thank god because I really thought ABC's budget was going down ... They are going to Uruguay.
They do a montage of the guys walking on the beach in a straight line walking to their hotel - and the fun begins.
First one on one -
Jordan
Jordan and JOJO have a make out session on a boat ride to see some seals. They go scuba diving in some real dirty water that I am sure the camera man that got picked for that job is real pissed off because now he is worried he has a major rash from the water.
They end up having dinner - JOJO confronts him on an ex and he just pretty much says the ex is a liar and a thief and they continue with their dinner that they don't eat because again most of ABC's budget is expensive food that they end up throwing it in the trash. Or the crew eats their sloppy left overs ... still ... Jordan snatches up a rose.
Back at the hotel - they have a hair session which Vinny is cutting their hair? ALSO - THIS JUST IN .... the new look for men is - long hair on top - to the side and shaved on the bottom. Its like a mullet but backwards. Check it out ...
You could go longer hair on the side - 
You could go slick hair on the side - 
You could go curly as well - 
Seriously - Why in the hell do all of these guys have the same fucking hair?!?!
Ok - back to the barbershop - Wells is reading a magazine about JOJO and how her ex boyfriend, Chad - not to be confused with Creepy Chad - talks major shit about JOJO. So now the guys are all in a hissy about why JOJO is really here.
During one of the interviews a producer hands JOJO the magazine - right after she said nothing can ruin her night - and she reads the article. She gets upset, cries, goes and talks to the guys. The guys feel bad that they ever doubted her and they are back on track.
Group date
Colorado Chase
Luke
Wells
BB Evan
Jamestaylor
Vinny
Short Alex
The Office Jim Harper Derek
The date is on a sand dune and they all go sand-boarding down it ... all the guys are impressed with JOJO and all of them have their boners again. After getting all of the sand out of their privates - they end up at the mini cocktail party where all of them tell them how much they have fallen for JOJO. The Office Jim Harper Derek tells her he is nervous because he had the very first date which was a year and a half ago and he just wants reassurance ... Totally get it. She does too and gives The Office Jim Harper Derek the rose. Short Alex is pissed because someone has to be an asshole now that Creepy Chad is gone.
Second one on one
Robby
The date starts off with a stray dog that JOJO pets - and now she probably has fleas and ticks. They decide to "randomly" jump off a cliff but they have their bathing suits on, there is a cameraman waiting for them in the not so clear ocean, and all of a sudden they have swim shoes on. They jump, try to make out in the waves and then get ready for their-not-gonna-eat dinner.
They get to dinner, Robby tells her that he loves her after a long and sad story - she says thank you and then they head to the beach where there is fireworks. They make out - Robby gets a rose.
Rose Ceremony
They start off by toasting and The Office Jim Harper Derek decides to confront the guys that don't really like him. Its awkward and I feel bad for The Office Jim Harper Derek because he is just trying to tell them that he wants to be part of the Mean Girls click. Short Alex is pissed because he can't see what is going on on his tip toes.
CH comes in and tells the guys no cocktail party and I am thinking - thank god.
Guys who have a rose -
Jordan
The Office Jim Harper Derek
Robby
Guys who get a rose -
Luke
Colorado Chase
Short Alex
Jamestaylor
Wells
(I just want to say I guessed all of those in the correct order. NBD)
BB Evan, Grant and Vinny all cry.
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